And day trips to Osaka and Nara. It will be one week trip, expensive I can imagine. I really need to see the world. Why?
I feel that there is so much I need to learn. So much to see. And since I'm still a 21 year old who doesn't know his place in this universe just yet, I need experiences to speak life into me. It feels like I have such a narrow view of the world. I don't see how big it is. How much there is on offer. How much there is to explore and the chances of discovering new things.
Singing lessons are going great too! And I've been learning Comfortable - John Mayer and now I feel I know what he is trying to say with the song in the last verse. And I sometimes feel the same way..
Our love was comfortable and
so broken in.
She's perfect, so flawless and no, no
I'm not impressed.
No, I want you back, back.
Inside, I feel like I 'want' her back. Its a want, and it may not necessarily be a need. I have these rough patches when there is a lot of commotion and I tend to over think. The last time was around her birthday. I thought so much about what to get her and how I'm going to pass it onto her, distracting me from my week at uni. The week was simply a write off, and this week looks about the same. Want her back? I do sometimes. I try to convince myself of what I lost, how beautiful she is and if I do rekindle the relationship, that I will make it forever. It sounds crazy and this is what having fickle feelings does to you. Your head goes all over the place. Love was comfortable? Love is ride of ups and downs, and it makes you do crazy things. Skipping important commitments in order to sleep in till afternoon with her. Missing uni, justifying expensive phone calls and all that jazz. She's perfect, so flawless.. I think he is singing about someone new, a person that has a clean track record and has all the great qualities you look for in a potential long term partner. But will the two be compatible? The mistake I made was that I created unfair expectations for the ideal person I'm looking for and if she didn't meet them, then I chose to believe that she's not the right person for me. Instead I should have thought that I already had someone who cared for me as much as I did for them. That we can work on our imperfections in our relationship and starting building something for the future. At the end of the day, you just want someone to listen. And its taken this long to realise all of this...
That you were my first love.
Is just dumb, dumb, stupid love.
A technicality.
You will always be ahead of me.
Oh, oh, tell me.
Why I have to practice on you.
Why I have to practice on your heart.
Oh.
Yes, you were always ahead of me. I called you immature, but in fact it was me who could not see two steps ahead. And all we ever do now is say goodbye...
But I know that its not right to get back together. Relationships are meant to glorify God. In my case, I was being slowly dragged away from church. I became irregular with my attendance at youth group and church, which became of concern. I missed Easter camp. I was trapped in a bondage of sin that so easily entangles. And all the warning signs rang loud and clear. I had to get out, and I did. So in the light of all this, I think I can safely say that its over. Everything is over.
Why do you want to break my heart again?
Why am I going to let you try?
No, goodbye.
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