Life in a penguin's snow globe.

Proverbs 21:17

He who loves pleasure will become poor; whoever loves wine and oil will never be rich.

Those that have wisdom, often do great things, even against those confident of their strength. It is our great concern to keep our souls from being entangled and disquieted. But the foolish misspend what they have upon their lusts. Here is the misery of the slothful; their hands refuse to labour in an honest calling, by which they might get an honest livelihood; yet their hearts cease not to covet riches, pleasures, and honours, which cannot be obtained without labour. But the righteous and industrious have their desires satisfied.

Several months ago I was doing my devotional one night and I wanted to hear from God. I wanted to know where I was going wrong in my life. So I was skimming through the book of Proverbs, stumbed across Proverbs 21:17, and right at that moment my heart knew this verse spoke of the life I lived. My soul has been deprived of peace for a long time. At times some weeks are great and you get a lot done, but others you get distracted by worldly things and it puts you off on the wrong track. The 'foolish misspend what they have upon their lusts'. It's a close friend's birthday on a Saturday night and a week prior we make up our minds that its going to be an alcohol-induced night. You sing songs, make memorable jokes but do things you regret in the morning. And you regret your actions because its puts your spiritual soul at unrest. Its a catalyst for further drawing yourself away from the light of righteous and you feel trapped in a whirlwind that is spinning in circles. Dust gets into your eyes and you can't see ahead. And not until you acknowledge the problem, will you be able to get yourself out of there. That was one month ago..

I strive to be a man. One who is able to control his emotions. One that is able to provide for his family. A person that knows what he needs in life and has the strength to go get it. Its something that I've been lacking for a while. At the age of 21 and still too boyish. Having my cup of milo made for me in the morning by my mum or being afraid of speaking up for myself. You see, my life has been a little too comfortable. I think its my parents trying to deflect reality and wanting a new start for their son. I haven't been able to appreciate their sacrifice at all. I'm complacent. Sailing on my yacht, letting the wind direct my course.

My facebook status was once, perfectly lonely.

I'm perfectly lonely
Cause I don't belong to anyone
And nobody belongs to me
It's the way that I want it
It's the way that I want it
It's the way that I want it

When I was in a relationship, there was one person who I put my faith in, her. Whenever I felt the world was crumbling around me, what I would do was that I'd drop her a line and she would tell me things are going to be okay. It was all I needed. But I was really selfish. In her times of need, I was never there for her. A friend is someone who helps you up when you're down, and if they can't, they lay down beside you and listen. However all I gave was closed end responses. I didn't want to listen to her but I 'd want her to listen to me vent about my life. And now when I look back, she was right when she said I was self-centered. I was really was.

But now I choose to vent to God. In my quiet time, I lay on my bed with eyes close and pray. I pray for the things that went wrong during the week and ask about how I am going to change next week.

Side note.

2008 Reach youth group camp, God's promise in you. Piece by piece, I am seeing the words of prophecy coming to pass. I was reminded that I needed to honour God with my time, especially during exam period. In the past, I would skip church and use the day to study instead. However, now even with mid semester tests on the Monday I have heart to go on Sunday mornings fully trusting that He will endow me with the strength and wisdom I need for my studies. It may sound like a minor thing to some but to me it is one step forward. Another was that I will be stronger. At first, it was easy to take it literally and think about physique. But I don't think that was the intended meaning. Somehow I relate it metaphorically to being shaped into a man. I am learning to control my emotions better and learning to love my family more so. I hardly ever argue with my siblings anymore. I'm becoming more generous in giving, providing for others. I have the desire to pour out the love I have held back inside. And finally, my future partner. I want to relisten to it for the exact words but I do remember; someone that is beautiful inside, someone that will complement me and will care for me all of my days. Its amazing to hear those promises because it's what I need. I feel really alone at times because all I want is a phone call with someone whom I care a lot about. I want to learn to listen and share. There was so much I did wrong in past that I don't want any other girl to go through. The love I gave was that of the world, and not of the Heavenly father's love. And not until I can fully understand that concept of love, will I be able to be in a relationship.

Penguin.